Obstacles At Every Turn

Monday, 13th September

I should have known when I put my Clash T-shirt on inside out, and then had to change it (which we all know is bad luck), that it was going to be one of those days.  I had loads to catch up on, workwise and on my photography course, so I called Rachael, and cancelled our trip to Tooting.  Still no sari then.  So I went to fire up the HP to do some reporting, and noticed that the internet light on the BT router was red.  Bugger!  A problem at the exchange.

In that case, I thought, I'll catch up on my 'Favourite Place' project work for the week.  When I say catch up on, I mean - start.  I switched on the Nikon, and it went straight off again.  No battery.  For God’s sake.  I had to resort to doing next week’s course work.  The speed of battery charging wasn’t helped by Yula unplugging it, to plug in the hoover, and forgetting to put it back again.  Eventually I had enough to juice to photograph a miniature wooden Paris.

I had quite a phone call today.  Nicola, the agent, rang.  Rowan at the William Morris Agency, loved the book.  She wants a few tweaks before assembling a proposal, and we have a meeting arranged for the week after we get back.  The internet came back up, just as I needed to leave.

As I was going over the road for the quiz, I noticed how amazing the full moon looked.  I ran back inside, got my camera and gorilla pod, and got a few shots for ‘Exposure Safari,’ for next week.  We lost by half a bloody point tonight.

Tuesday, 14^th September

I needed to crack on with the increasing backlog this morning.  The internet was working fine, but the server at 4 Ways was down.  When will the universe stop pissing on my daily plans?  The server came back up, but was on a go-slow.  So it took me ages to catch up.  And I spent hours struggling with Photoshop.  Good job it was a quiet day at the ranch.  I opened up my Safari browser this evening, which defaults to the Apple homepage, showcasing the new MacBooks.  I was looking at a very sexy 13 incher, which you can customize to 4Gb RAM, and a 350Gb hard drive – and all of a sudden it was in a shopping basket, and checked out.  I only went online to write my blog – so it’s all your fault.

Bye Bye Sunday

Saturday, 11th October

Where has this year gone?  Today was the Pink party for Gabrielle's 50th, no presents, just donations to Breast Cancer Campaign.  I gave my usual speech, and left not a dry seat in the house.  Between Beth, Pippa, Camilla and I, we managed five raffle prizes.  The buffet lunch was a bit odd, in a way that Pot Luck meals tend to be, but there was lots of pink champagne.

In the evening we went to Manny's for Gordon's birthday.  All the usual suspects eventually turned up, and a very good time was had by all.

Sunday, 12th October

Xanthe, Rachael and I went to Southall for a sari-buying expedition.  We were starving when we arrived, and immediately went for a blow out lunch.  This was the first curry I had eaten out for months.  Bliss.  Xanthe was initially a little unnerved to find such a cultural oasis, but a few chaats, butter chicken and naan later, she was feeling much more at home.  We found Xanthe a lovely deep turquoise and lime green sari, and went on a search for matching bangles, earrings and a necklace.  She now has the perfect outfit for her birthday/neo-christening party.  Rachael has been recruited as godmother in charge of languages.

My hunt for a sari was less successful.  None of the blouses would go over my shoulders, or do up around my ribcage.  Instead of buying jewellery to match my sari, I found a fabulous necklace, and now have to find a sari to match, in red and gold.  So we will have the second leg of sari shopping, in due course.

Sparta Park won 5-0 again tonight.  Another bye.  The boys were keen to play anyway, so took on the might of the Three Lions (combined weight 1.6 tons).  Mind you, at the beginning of the season the combined weight, was over 2 tons).  Troy kept a clean sheet in the first half, and handed over the goal-keeping reins, firstly to Dean, and then Rich the Spic, or should that say Spich.  They let a total of six dribble through their four legs, and realised that loafing about in goal isn't as easy as it looks.

Xanthe earned nine quid in tips tonight, waitressing in Manny's.  Who'da thought?

A Load Of Cock

Wednesday, 8th October

It was a fabulous show last night.  Jumoke told everyone I was looking glam, and suggested they had a look at the webcam.  Webcam?  Shit!  Last time I went in looking like a bag lady.  I must remember to tart up in future, and future there will be, as they would like me to become the Late Show's Doctor in Residence.  The first caller rang up with a problem with her boyfriend's penis, and it snowballed from here.  The floodgates opened for us to spend the evening talking cock.  It's rare for men to bare their bits on air, so I was pleased that the listeners sound as though they trust me.  The faltering moment came when Jumoke asked me what my position was on circumcision.  I bit back the desire to say that I prefer my sausage with the skin on.

Less than twenty minutes from studio to home, and a glass of wine.

We went to Xanthe's Showstopper's concert this evening.  Dreadful, she wasn't kidding when she said they couldn't sing.  But the singing was better than the frightful musical solos.  I think the catgut was still attached to the cat, for the violin, and the horsehair still part of the horse for the viola solo.  If I could have one invention, it would be a seek and destroy ray for any stringed instrument played with a bow.  Then some poor kid came on with a bassoon.  It was hard to work out whether the buffoon was playing the bassoon, or it him.  What's going to happen when he gets to University, he's never going to impress a girl with an instrument like that.  Or at least not unless she's a freckly ginge, with buck teeth and a commitment to Jesus.

Thursday, 9th October

A heavy day at work, and I was catatonic by the evening.  We went to Manny's to see Rachel, who was a bit jet-lagged, and the three of us spent a fairly quiet evening.  She bought us back beautiful hand woven Guatemalan scarves.  Lucky cow had one of Paj's home made curries for supper... But I had Guillaume's very fine foie gras. Ha, HA!  Andy has had the great idea of cooking Christmas supper for everyone in the kitchen at Manny's on the 19th of December.  It sounds a hoot.   I volunteered to help.  Blayne then asked if the children would be interested in babysitting their girls for the later part of the evening.  I am sure they would.

Friday, 10th October

The children are delighted by the idea of looking after the McKechnie girls.  For a small consideration, as I pointed out.  ‘Ah,’ says Perry, ‘now we get to the interesting part.’  I suggested ten pounds each.  ‘Isn’t that too much?’  Asked Xanthe.  You can imagine Perry’s response.

I had the first real indication that Fluff is growing up today.  I cry my eyes out at any vaguely soppy movie… soap… song… advert.  Normally she seriously takes the piss out of me, but tonight, watching our Friday night rom com, little tears were bobbling out of her big blues.  Oh!  Sweet revenge.

A Load Of Cock

Wednesday, 8th October

It was a fabulous show last night.  Jumoke told everyone I was looking glam, and suggested they had a look at the webcam.  Webcam?  Shit!  Last time I went in looking like a bag lady.  I must remember to tart up in future, and future there will be, as they would like me to become the Late Show's Doctor in Residence.  The first caller rang up with a problem with her boyfriend's penis, and it snowballed from here.  The floodgates opened for us to spend the evening talking cock.  It's rare for men to bare their bits on air, so I was pleased that the listeners sound as though they trust me.  The faltering moment came when Jumoke asked me what my position was on circumcision.  I bit back the desire to say that I prefer my sausage with the skin on.

Less than twenty minutes from studio to home, and a glass of wine.

We went to Xanthe's Showstopper's concert this evening.  Dreadful, she wasn't kidding when she said they couldn't sing.  But the singing was better than the frightful musical solos.  I think the catgut was still attached to the cat, for the violin, and the horsehair still part of the horse for the viola solo.  If I could have one invention, it would be a seek and destroy ray for any stringed instrument played with a bow.  Then some poor kid came on with a bassoon.  It was hard to work out whether the buffoon was playing the bassoon, or it him.  What's going to happen when he gets to University, he's never going to impress a girl with an instrument like that.  Or at least not unless she's a freckly ginge, with buck teeth and a commitment to Jesus.

Thursday, 9th October

A heavy day at work, and I was catatonic by the evening.  We went to Manny's to see Rachel, who was a bit jet-lagged, and the three of us spent a fairly quiet evening.  She bought us back beautiful hand woven Guatemalan scarves.  Lucky cow had one of Paj's home made curries for supper... But I had Guillaume's very fine foie gras. Ha, HA!  Andy has had the great idea of cooking Christmas supper for everyone in the kitchen at Manny's on the 19th of December.  It sounds a hoot.   I volunteered to help.  Blayne then asked if the children would be interested in babysitting their girls for the later part of the evening.  I am sure they would.

Friday, 10th October

The children are delighted by the idea of looking after the McKechnie girls.  For a small consideration, as I pointed out.  ‘Ah,’ says Perry, ‘now we get to the interesting part.’  I suggested ten pounds each.  ‘Isn’t that too much?’  Asked Xanthe.  You can imagine Perry’s response.

I had the first real indication that Fluff is growing up today.  I cry my eyes out at any vaguely soppy movie… soap… song… advert.  Normally she seriously takes the piss out of me, but tonight, watching our Friday night rom com, little tears were bobbling out of her big blues.  Oh!  Sweet revenge.

The Siege Of Troy Is Back In Business

Sunday, 5^th October

Forgot to take the dongle to the pub tonight, so I can't write my blog live.  Well that's me excuse (sorry I mean my - I am not morphing into Russell Brand) and I'm sticking to it.  In fact the upshot of this was that I had to work on the mastectomy chapter for Cordelia.  In fact I knocked out almost another 2,000 words before my battery died.  I ordered the Thai Green Curry for supper.  What arrived was perfectly edible, but no way a green curry.  It was more like sweet and sour chicken, not hot, and served with peppers and green beans.  I was so let down by my expectations, I had to have sticky toffee pudding after.  Even Troy had a spoonful.

Sparta Park won again tonight, 3 more points and a 5-0 score, without even kicking a ball.  Their opponents rang and cancelled.  That’s not very rock and roll, why not behave like any inconsiderate footballer, and simple fail to show up.  Troy still went along to check out The Dukes, the main opposition, but now Sparta Park are leading the league on goal difference,

Monday, 6^th October

I had a totally manic hour at work today, but hugely productive in a financial sense.  My last patient was Kay, and we went to the Providores for lunch afterwards.  We had an exceptionally good meal, and swapped top quality gossip.  From Mandelson to Brown, and Barry George to Blair.  No evil Victoria Beckham stories today though.  Boo!  I love having lunch with friends who can put it on expenses.

Back home to a paltry 19.6 MRI equivalents.  Then over to the pub for quiz night.  Hooray!  Three years nearly since Troy was banned from the Woodman, and our Monday night quizzing had to stop.  Now Siege Of Troy is back in business!  The hostilities with Clueless can recommence.  A few of our ringers are missing tonight, but I am sure we will soon be back on top...     

Not quite, we came second by a passable two and a half points.  It does take a little while to get into Quiz Ed’s mindset, although we did miss a few answers which we should have got.  Another eleven quid into the quiz kitty, which we have kept going for around four years.   We should have nearly £250 so far, which should make for quite an evening out by Christmas.  We resorted to taunting Mario with Spurs abuse.  QEd joined us for a drink afterwards, and a fascinating discussion on astrology.  I think.  Definitely astrology, perhaps not so sure about the fascinating bit.  Anyway, he has promised to do Mr and Mrs Moore’s charts.

Tuesday, 7^th October

A very busy day.  I went to see the Breastlight people for a meeting and a bit of a brainstorm.  Or boobstorm, perhaps.  We had a very rushed lunch, as I had to be in another meeting at two.  Following that I had an abortive trip to Princess Grace for no bone densities.  Then off to the post office to collect the cocktail strainers.  Next a trip to ASDA for the bits for cottage pie.  I bet Madonna wishes she had my life.  In the supermarket, I got total ASDA overload, and wandered the aisles, lonely as a cloud – or some such.  I got to the till, and went to take my wallet out of my bag, only to find that wallet there was none.  Oh no!  The girl on the till very kindly offered to ring everything up, and bag it, while I ran back down to the car.  Relief!  There it was on the front seat.  I legged it back up to arrive just as she was finishing the last bag.

Still no cocktails, despite now being in possession of the full kit, as I am having a night of abstinence, pending driving back up to the BBC, on Marylebone High Street.  The cottage pie was good though.

A Very Lazy Saturday

Blogging two days in a row.  Get a load of me.  Spent the day feeling lousy, and inevitably I didn't make it to the the gym.  However I did manage to get all of the theory out of the way for week two of my photography course.  So all that is left is to do the assignment, two different photos of a favourite subject, place, thing or person.  Ho hum, Troy?  One of the dogs?  Diamonds?  Curry?  Decisions, decisions.  Well, I have until Wednesday week to figure it out.  We missed a package this morning, which was probably all the cocktail bits.  Damn!  We bought lots of Tequila, Martini and so forth in Waitrose before the film yesterday.  I was hoping to mix a mean Margarita, or Manhattan, but so far all I've got is a jigger.  Rats.

I got the eReader working as well, and read a fascinating 50 pages of David Crystal, one of my favourite writers, on How Language Works.  I am in the slow process of deleting all the free classic books I don't want, although I did briefly run through a Midsummer Night's Dream again.  Some of them a worthy tomes, but not really what you'd keep in your handbag.

Have assembled the whole ten for my birthday party now, which is a relief.  I found Rachel online from Guatemala, and had an MSN conversation in French.  I even made a Francophone play on words, so does that make me a punning linguist?

If We Shadows Have Offended

Wednesday, 1st October

Went for lunch with Allaker, my oldest friend from school, who now goes by the name of Sarah-Jane, which I have trouble getting used to.  We met at the Waterfront at one, and hit the ground running, without even saying hello.  At the end of the meal, we decided to share a pud.  I asked for the menu, and, without thinking, ordered a sticky toffee pudding, with two spoons.  'How relaxing to have lunch with someone who knows me so well, she doesn't even have to ask what I want for desert,' she said.  We discussed children, husbands, and why we are so tired all the time.  I suppose because we are in our mid-forties, and keep forgetting.  At the point where we started to discuss the importance of a big cock, a group of businessmen hurried away from the adjacent table.

We popped over to Cake Boy, and I bought two decadent chocolate and fruit tarts, for Xanthe and I to have after supper.  I asked her if she wanted anything,  'That painting,' was the reply.  For a woman who never gave her sweet tooth to the proverbial fairy, that was quite something.

Thursday, 2nd October

I took Xanthe to see A Midsummer Night's Dream, at The Globe.  It was a brilliant production, and we laughed until we stopped.  It's amazing to think that a play, written over 400 years ago, can still be so hysterical today.  Not to mention smutty, leading Xanthe to the conclusion that it had been doctored in some way.  Not at all.  Fluff bought a plague rat hand puppet, and immediately demanded to re-enact the whole honeymoon rat-scenario thing.

She soon became highly proficient at the art of stuffing her hand up a plush rat's bum.  We may have a new Shari Lewis on our hands.  We need to organise ventriloquism lessons.

Friday, 3rd October

Achmed The Dead Rat, (or Willshuck, as Xanthe likes to call it) went to school with her.  I wonder what the teachers will make of it.  We are thinking of working on a script for the pair of them.  Mr Moore has come up with a first line...  Have you heard the latest statistics, they're scary, in London you're never more than two metres away from a human.