A Load Of Cock

Wednesday, 8th October

It was a fabulous show last night.  Jumoke told everyone I was looking glam, and suggested they had a look at the webcam.  Webcam?  Shit!  Last time I went in looking like a bag lady.  I must remember to tart up in future, and future there will be, as they would like me to become the Late Show's Doctor in Residence.  The first caller rang up with a problem with her boyfriend's penis, and it snowballed from here.  The floodgates opened for us to spend the evening talking cock.  It's rare for men to bare their bits on air, so I was pleased that the listeners sound as though they trust me.  The faltering moment came when Jumoke asked me what my position was on circumcision.  I bit back the desire to say that I prefer my sausage with the skin on.

Less than twenty minutes from studio to home, and a glass of wine.

We went to Xanthe's Showstopper's concert this evening.  Dreadful, she wasn't kidding when she said they couldn't sing.  But the singing was better than the frightful musical solos.  I think the catgut was still attached to the cat, for the violin, and the horsehair still part of the horse for the viola solo.  If I could have one invention, it would be a seek and destroy ray for any stringed instrument played with a bow.  Then some poor kid came on with a bassoon.  It was hard to work out whether the buffoon was playing the bassoon, or it him.  What's going to happen when he gets to University, he's never going to impress a girl with an instrument like that.  Or at least not unless she's a freckly ginge, with buck teeth and a commitment to Jesus.

Thursday, 9th October

A heavy day at work, and I was catatonic by the evening.  We went to Manny's to see Rachel, who was a bit jet-lagged, and the three of us spent a fairly quiet evening.  She bought us back beautiful hand woven Guatemalan scarves.  Lucky cow had one of Paj's home made curries for supper... But I had Guillaume's very fine foie gras. Ha, HA!  Andy has had the great idea of cooking Christmas supper for everyone in the kitchen at Manny's on the 19th of December.  It sounds a hoot.   I volunteered to help.  Blayne then asked if the children would be interested in babysitting their girls for the later part of the evening.  I am sure they would.

Friday, 10th October

The children are delighted by the idea of looking after the McKechnie girls.  For a small consideration, as I pointed out.  ‘Ah,’ says Perry, ‘now we get to the interesting part.’  I suggested ten pounds each.  ‘Isn’t that too much?’  Asked Xanthe.  You can imagine Perry’s response.

I had the first real indication that Fluff is growing up today.  I cry my eyes out at any vaguely soppy movie… soap… song… advert.  Normally she seriously takes the piss out of me, but tonight, watching our Friday night rom com, little tears were bobbling out of her big blues.  Oh!  Sweet revenge.